On Luck
I’ve never really believed that some people are inherently luckier than others but I have a friend who has been snake-bitten for as long as I can remember.
His parents split up when he was a young teenager and he bounced back and forth between their houses every day.
He pined after a girl for years but never shared how he felt and then she moved away to college.
He was painfully shy and floated anonymously through high school. Few from his graduating class would even recall his name.
He left college with more student loan debt than the annual salary at his first job.
His plans to go to graduate school were put on permanent hiatus by an unexpected pregnancy.
His mother suffered the cruelest of illnesses; she was robbed of her mind in her mid-forties and died in her fifties.
After working his ass off for three years, he learned he was the lowest paid employee of 150 in his job title. He finally got a promotion the next year and then his boss immediately retired and he was demoted.
He bought a house shortly after the peak of the housing market, put a ton of work into it, and sold it six years later for the purchase price.
I have another friend, however, who fate has dealt an entirely different hand.
He has been ludicrously healthy since birth, never spending a single night in a hospital bed well into his thirties.
He had the prototypical happy childhood: supportive parents, close friends, safe town.
He married the girl of his dreams and they had two healthy, joyful, and kind-hearted kids. His in-laws have been among his closest friends since childhood.
He was in the right place at the right time to earn three significant promotions over seven years.
He lives within 45 minutes of his best friends and immediate family, all of whom choose to see each other weekly because they genuinely enjoy spending time together.
He has no debt besides his mortgage and will pay that off before he turns 45.
Given how different their paths have been, it’s remarkable how much they have in common. They are both from the Midwest, are similar in age, and had the same major in college. Not only that, they were born in the same hospital, share the same favorite novel, and both detest potato salad. Even further, they have identical social security numbers, precisely the same taste in music, and both were in the crowd to witness Braylon Edwards hang 3 TDs on MSU in 2004.
Some people say we create our own luck but I don’t think that’s quite right. I think the truth is that our apparent luck has much more to do with what stories we choose to tell ourselves about our inevitable ups and downs. Everyone has bad times and good times. Some people curse fate for the bad ones while taking all of the credit for the good. By and large, this group calls itself “unlucky”. But others choose to draw strength from persevering in spite of the bad and reflect upon the good with overwhelming gratitude.
Here is what I want you to do: Write two stories about yourself like I did above. The first should include your all-time low-lights. When were you dealt a shitty hand? When were you the victim of something unfair or undeserved? When did the worst case scenario actually come true? Take the time to put it down on paper.
Now write the opposite story. Talk about the times when things broke in your favor. When you took a risk and it paid off more than you thought possible. When you put in the work and came out on top. Fill this story to the brim with your greatest accomplishments. Now is not the time for modesty.
Go back to Story #1 and read it to yourself with purpose. Linger on each sentence and recall how it felt to be mired in chaos, anger, and despair.
Here is what you should take from this: You made it through.
All of that terrible shit happened to you and yet you are where you are today. You’ve proven to the world and, more importantly, to yourself that you can face long odds and live to tell the tale. Not only that, but you’re the type of person who can face down all that adversity and still do everything in Story #2. You didn’t let bad breaks and genuine tragedy stamp out your agency. In fact, the seeds of some of your greatest accomplishments likely grew from those very struggles.
Because you’ve seen first-hand the capriciousness of life, you can be extraordinarily grateful for the truth of Story #2. You’ve lived these joyful moments and you can be certain there are more to come.
I don’t need to tell you that Story #1 won’t remain the same. 10 years from now it will be longer and more painful. Your voice will catch in your throat if you try to read it aloud.
But this will be all the more proof of your resilience and grit.
Your flexibility.
Your creativity.
Your fucking will.
And all the more reason to be grateful.