The Tao of Wendy's

When was the last time you heard something so insightful it stopped you in your tracks? For me, it was 20 minutes into a “quick stop” at Wendy’s while waiting for our food on the last day of a vacation that was supposed to end a day earlier. Rough weather 1,500 miles east of us grounded our pilots and our arrival home was pushed back 30 hours. Needless to say, I wasn’t in the most gracious, patient headspace.

However, amid the cacophony of fryer alarms and increasingly strident DoorDash drivers, I couldn’t help but notice how well the cashier seemed to be keeping her cool. She wasn’t aggressively cheerful, which can be more irritating than outright surliness. She just seemed remarkably composed and light in the face of stress. After she filled our order, I thanked her and said I hoped people were treating her reasonably because it was clear that the delays weren’t her fault. She smiled, shrugged and said “It’s too tiring to be in a bad mood all the time.”

What followed was the most contemplative Biggie Bag of my 38 years.

The service industry was utterly demolished during the heart of the pandemic, but I can’t be the only one who is surprised at how durable the damage seems to be. I’m not smart enough to determine why we haven’t rebounded (or dumb enough to blame a single factor) but it seems like a baseline level of dysfunction has become part of the new normal.  

The cashier’s comment made me realize that maybe the wisest approach is to recognize that even when we have justifiable gripes, it’s simply less exhausting to not only ignore them but to adjust our expectations of how things will go in advance.

By the time I finished my frosty (chocolate, not that vanilla abomination), the core principle became clear: When something is out of your control, try to be unfazed by suboptimal outcomes and pleasantly surprised by smooth sailing. The best way to do this is by adjusting your expectations in advance.

This joins a long list of advice that is much easier said than done but I had never directly considered the fact that although there is little I can do to determine the outcome of many situations, it is me and only me who gets to set the expectations that ultimately determine whether I’m content or pissed.   

What if instead of eagerly sharing the details of our latest customer service mishap with our friends, we were more inclined to only share stories of when things went amazingly well?

This applies much more broadly than just interactions with businesses. It can also be a valuable framework to apply to your relationships with others. Don’t be surprised when other people, even those closest to you, occasionally act selfishly or say something they don’t really mean. If you understand that those things are simply part of the territory, it becomes easier to overcome our strong tendency to focus on the one or two negatives in a sea of fellowship and support.  

I’m not advocating for a societal level lowering of standards. Taking responsibility for your life and your decisions is a non-negotiable if you want to be successful, no matter what your goals are. It may be the single most important skill of personal effectiveness. But I am saying that if you can recalibrate your expectations when faced with something outside of your control, you will undoubtedly spend much more time in a calm, composed frame of mind and much less time being aggravated and ungrateful. And that is simply a better way to live.